Hi Danny,

This is really helpful. I am currently submitting to agents and publishers. It’s such a slow process. If I’m not successful I really want to try self publishing but I’m very daunted by it.

I’m not on Facebook, I closed my account years ago. I am on Twitter.

Your post is very encouraging.

Thanks,

Martha

Hi Marcus,

That is an interesting observation, I never thought of like that.. Colette is the protagonist and the whole book is from her POV so maybe I need to establish that from the beginning…I’ll definitely look at this, thank you.

Martha

Thanks so much Madeleine, you make really good points, I will look at her father being alarmed by the car as it is not his POV. And also that it is the prospect of rain that makes him cranky.

I find all the feedback I get so helpful, it really makes me look very closely at what I’m writing.

Thanks again

Martha

Hi Paul,

I like this a lot. The lists are great and give real insight into the character. I like the chat with Maggie too. She comes across as a really decent person.

Martha

Hi Madeleine,

Very interesting situation here. Does Lady Grisela have some insight into people’s thoughts?

Very audacious comment by the Count regarding her smelling of the stables!

Would like to know more.

Martha

Hi Everyone,

This is the year I’d love to have my book published. I’m waiting on Beta readers right now and would love to team up with readers on Jericho. I know I have a lot to do yet.

Martha

My goodness, Marcus, I love all of this, it is really the most delicious writing!

Such insouciance from Laurence, and the detailed observation is wonderful.

The sleuthing is marvellous too, great deduction regarding Claire’s appearance being for Lino…very enjoyable to read.

Bravo,

Martha

Thanks Jo, especially for pointing out rearing instead of raring, I completely missed that!

Yes, through most of the book her father is Daddy so maybe I should say that from the start…the whole story is from Colette’s POV.

I’ll have a look at it all again.

Best wishes

Martha

Hi Larry,

I like this, great description, setting the scene and it would be great to know more!

Martha

Hi Deborah,

Very interesting and good detail but confusing too with another timeline. I’d like to know more, the little boy is very appealing.

Martha

Hi Diana,

Definitely feels like Jen is interested in Tom again, much depends on why they broke up. And I think Tom is interested too even though he is the one to back away.

It might create more tension if Jen immediately thinks of his hands on her shoulders as soon as he mentions the massage…and she could be wary of his touch.

Would like to see…

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Hello Heidi,

I really like this opening, the easy way he lies…getting more brazen.

We find out he’s a flirt, this would suggest it’s not the first time?

Also, the description of her clothes suggests she dresses quite plainly and he is wearing a white puffer jacket which for a man is reasonably flamboyant I think!

And the attention to the phone,…

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Hi Christine,

Very interesting, and clever too to lead the reader in one direction (abused woman) but then the reality is so hard and indeed very easy for others to judge. I really liked the description of being at work and her time being her own and peaceful.

Title: Hiding from the Heart

Genre: Set in mid 1970s rural Ireland

This is the opening of the novel and I would value feedback. Colette is 17 years old at the beginning of the novel and she is her father’s helper for the summer on the family farm.

Chapter One

The sun is high by nine o’clock and Colette’s father is rearing to get on to the meadow, imp…

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Aww…thanks so much, Marcus, I’m really pleased you like it.

Martha

Hi Marcus,

Thank you for sharing your querying journey, onwards and upwards.

I love the small boy wandering around with no fear because it is his home and it captures beautifully how a young child will study everything in detail.

Best wishes with the querying.

Martha

Hi Catherine,

I’m new to Jericho also and have posted for the last few weeks and really like it, I get very helpful comments and I try to offer some comments too.

Great description here, I can feel myself being carried away by the crowds. The only issue I have is that we need to know more about Acantha and some indication of the plot.

The writing is lovely.

Hi Emma,

Thank you, I’m really happy to hear you liked it.

Martha

Thank you Diana, for your comments.

I should have explained a bit to begin!

Daddy is usually happy for Colette to drive since she learned and his health isn’t great.

This is her first time coming home for Christmas from her first job, she is nineteen.

Hi Sharon,

I really like this and want to know more!

I’m really enjoying Feedback Friday and I hope you do too.

Just one thing…she caught sight of her mother looking in horror at her, wouldn’t this need to be… she sees her mother looking at the departing car….

Thank you, Mary, and I’m glad you enjoyed your visit

Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it.

Martha

Hi Mary,

Thank you for your comments, I do appreciate it and will certainly consider the word Trickle!

It was really remiss of me not to add some background information for the reader, I apologise.

Colette is home from her first job in Dublin, she is nineteen. Her first time coming home for Christmas. Peg is her lovely neighbour. Robbie is her…

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Thank you, Rachel, for your comments and I’ll look at a speech tag. I’m really glad you liked the Christmas description.

Sorry, I really should have put in some background description.

The story is set in 1970s Ireland. Colette is from a farming family and she has her first job in Dublin, she is nineteen years old. In terms of genre I think of it…

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Mary,

I love the description of Mum making all the Christmas things and coming back to herself while doing it. Really shows how people have to find their own way of coping in these circumstances.

Hi Diana,

I like this piece but would welcome a gut attraction to the man to increase expectation of this being a significant moment.

Also, there is repetition of “she should eat something”

Best wishes

Martha

Rachel,

This is great, the description of the painful sex that she’s expected to enjoy is gruelling.

Very well done.

Title

Hiding from the Heart

It’s still Christmas! Colette is home for the holidays.

Daddy is anxious about the treacherous roads and he won’t let her drive, when she arrives, saying she has no experience of it. She is impatient to be home and inspects the decorations Mam has put up, making sure she hasn’t forgotten anything. She rushes out to…

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Hi Helen,

Thanks so much for spotting the typo, I never noticed it!

Also, I have added dialogue as so many of the comments suggested it.

Thank you for the kind words.

Martha

Thanks so much Diana,

I will look at some dialogue and layering.

Martha

Thanks so much Emma for your response. I will definitely look at more layering.

M

Thank you for your comments, Kate, I will look at some more layering here, a good point.

Martha

Thank you Gill, I’m glad you like it.

Martha

So beautiful and mesmerising

Julie,

This is lovely, a great description of the beginning of a relationship. So sweet.

Well done.

Martha

This is lovely, so much love in the piece and an indication that the little boy is neuro diverse too. I love the detail of him pulling at his eyes. I’d prefer hints to wisps but that only my opinion!

Well done.

Martha

Thanks so much Julie, I’m glad you liked it.

Martha

Hi Sally,

That is a good point and I will look at adding some dialogue. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Martha

Thank you, Karen, I’m glad you liked it.

Martha

Title

Hiding from the Heart

Set in mid 1970s Ireland.

It’s Christmas!

Padraig writes to say he will come for a few days at Christmas, and the whole house is happy. They are in need of some change and news from further afield. Mam is in her element planning the food and she reminds Colette about their baking day. Her instinct is to say she has no…

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Hi Karen,

I love the description of the book. It will strike a chord with anyone who loves books.

Good luck with the writing.

Hi Marcus,

Thank you for reading and commenting, I will look at the third paragraph for sure. I wasn’t at all sure about this piece and it’s good to get feedback.

Hi Mark,

I value your comments and will take them on board. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I don’t feel at all confident about the use of the body to show emotion.

Title

Hiding from the Heart

Historical Fiction/Romance set in 1970s Ireland.

Colette is working in Dublin, her first job after school. Her relationship with Robbie is over and she is struggling. She is home for Christmas.

She is wistful about Christmas without Robbie. Last year it was all perfect, tingling in anticipation of seeing him, spending time…

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Hi Angela,

I like this, but I’m concerned about the slipper socks, would they have had those in 1945?

Good suspense with the banging shutter and the knocking. And Alek not really seeing her…

I’d like to read more!

Regards

Martha