Thank you for reading Doron! Yes it seems a bit tricky incorporating flashbacks maybe more so in first person.

Thank you Craig! A wee experiment. It’s good to know you liked both versions

Thanks Jo, I am glad the wording works in the original third person version, I guess I was over analysing, but that is a good suggestion to cut naming repitition.

Thank you Steve! This is handy to know your perspective. I might stick to 3rd but have some first person through dialogue and inner thoughts, to make it engaging.

Thanks, this is useful to know people in SFF like visuals, I was worried I liked them too much myself when I write descriptively.

Thanks Nick. I’m glad the details in the 3rd person version didn’t weigh it down, and realise I should stick to my original style in 3rd.

Thank you Mirta, this has been really very helpful. I realise I was second guessing myself about having to turn it into first person to be engaging, and am glad the original is engaging.

I’m considering rewriting my first draft into first person, instead of third (limited). I think I can get caught up in visuals easily but in first I focus more on character perception. But what do you think, please let me know which of the opening (650-700 word) passages grip you the most.

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First person (also 1st draft so might be rougher).

The…

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Hi Deo

I really like this as a first chapter. You’ve achieved a really key yet tricky thing, which is world build and tell through dialogue rather than excessive prose, well done! The anticipation of arriving to Earth is really cool, especially with the discussion around beer! That is very relatable. The only thing I wonder about is who are these…

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Well done! This made me feel a bit better because my chapters are always 3K words or above and I was feeling insecure about that.

That’s great to know Maitiu, thank you. I’m glad you resonate with the stars

Thank you Alisher, that’s encouraging to hear and a great suggestion!

I rewrote the first few lines of my novel which makes a standalone paragraph before the main text begins of the MC’s inner thoughts.

Below is the original (vs2) and the new one (vs1). I’ve included the first few lines of the main text afterwards to show context.

I’d love to know if this helps to engage, or which you prefer.

Vs1

There’s something a…

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I can’t advise anything but to say I am experiencing the exact same thing at the moment. I have many chaotically arranged chapters and notes as I build my world and scenes. Only recently I’ve had to figure out how to piece it together chronologically. I ended up having to resort to plotting ways by writing out an outline, which I never did before…

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I like the 4th the best, then the 2nd.