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Assignment two – Crafting a compelling premise
The opening line for my story idea.
“Today, I wanted to end my life. I was suffocating under a river of shame.”
I believe that the reader will want to know more about what is going on and why the character would want to end his life. The reader will question what had happened to lead him to do something like this.
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2 Replies
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Hi Christian,
This is an interesting pitch opening, yes, I want to know more. Why? How did this happen? And why did your character not go through with it?
How could you pitch this or alter the opening line to give us readers a sense of who the character is? It’s a shocking statement but it doesn’t relate to any person (yet). However, I understand that the opening page will do this. I just wonder if the opening lines need to work harder.
Kate
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Hi Christian,
The pitch is a great line but I think we need to know more about why or what’s happened or is going to happen. Suffocating under a river of shame doesn’t tell us in simple terms enough.
I’m not sure how effective the line is. Would you suffocate under a river, or more likely drown? But I like ‘Today, I wanted to … ‘ It’s immediate and attention grabbing.
Best wishes,
Catherine
