Layer Cake – I’m familiar with the movie. I’ll look up the other stuff too.

Thank you very much for giving this some thought. Your pitch works very well, but sadly doesn’t match the plot as it stands. What a pain! The police do investigate but because of the alleged secretive nature of the Bar and its reluctance to provide information, progress stalls. The trainee barrister, and her pupil-mistress, are ‘insiders’ so are more able to obtain answers.

I should have explained a little more yesterday but I didn’t want to go overboard. However, the way you looked at the pitch has now given me a way of approaching a better pitch.

Many thanks indeed.

Catherine

How about just saying something like this?

Christmas 1984: A trainee barrister is sent a bubble-wrapped corpse that she can”t possibly report to the police.

I don’t think the pitch needs to answer all the Qs. It should raise them. So this works to raise questions about her, her past, and her current career. It also raises other Qs about the body and the police, such as what prevents her from contacting the police. If that is part of the mystery, then so much the better.

Others may have better solutions than me, Catherine. So hopefully more help will come your way.

Kate

I kid you not, your suggestion exactly mirrored an earlier draft I tried out but it was difficult to explain in a few words why my trainee barrister had to do the police’s job for them so I abandoned it. I will go back and have a re-think in the light of your opinion. Thank you very much!

Best wishes, Catherine

I’d consider rewording a little – something like this maybe:

Christmas 1984: A trainee barrister, a bubble-wrapped corpse, and (insert a reason she must keep quiet and solve the mystery herself).

Hope this helps – I do love the concept.

Kate

Best wishes, Catherine

In a world of ambition and secrets, a bubble-wrapped body delivered to a trainee barrister threatens her career and the stability of the Bar at Christmas 1984 unless she solves the mystery.

Kate

The pitch is a great line but I think we need to know more about why or what’s happened or is going to happen. Suffocating under a river of shame doesn’t tell us in simple terms enough.

I’m not sure how effective the line is. Would you suffocate under a river, or more likely drown? But I like ‘Today, I wanted to … ‘ It’s immediate and attention grabbing.

Best wishes,

Catherine

It’s an interesting premise and I think you need to give the reader a little more. What are the consequences for example of finding out this information? Messing up exams is probably not enough to sustain the whole book, but could the timing have more dire consequences – wedding plans, relocation to another country, finding she might have siblings etc.

I look forward to seeing a bit more information unfolded!