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Buried Under Paperwork Crime Mystery
Hello and thank you for reading my pitch. Any comments would be gratefully received.
Best wishes, Catherine
In a world of ambition and secrets, a bubble-wrapped body delivered to a trainee barrister threatens her career and the stability of the Bar at Christmas 1984 unless she solves the mystery.
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4 Replies
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I find this pitch interesting. It does pull me in. A trainee barrister is a protagonist who will already be under stress as she strives to qualify and with a mountain of work to complete. So when a body arrives what will she do? Call the police I presume, but what then? This is where I think the pitch needs work. Why is she solving the mystery/crime?
I’d consider rewording a little – something like this maybe:
Christmas 1984: A trainee barrister, a bubble-wrapped corpse, and (insert a reason she must keep quiet and solve the mystery herself).
Hope this helps – I do love the concept.
Kate
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Hi Kate,
I kid you not, your suggestion exactly mirrored an earlier draft I tried out but it was difficult to explain in a few words why my trainee barrister had to do the police’s job for them so I abandoned it. I will go back and have a re-think in the light of your opinion. Thank you very much!
Best wishes, Catherine
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I’ve thought about this overnight, Catherine.
How about just saying something like this?
Christmas 1984: A trainee barrister is sent a bubble-wrapped corpse that she can”t possibly report to the police.
I don’t think the pitch needs to answer all the Qs. It should raise them. So this works to raise questions about her, her past, and her current career. It also raises other Qs about the body and the police, such as what prevents her from contacting the police. If that is part of the mystery, then so much the better.
Others may have better solutions than me, Catherine. So hopefully more help will come your way.
Kate
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Hello Kate,
Thank you very much for giving this some thought. Your pitch works very well, but sadly doesn’t match the plot as it stands. What a pain! The police do investigate but because of the alleged secretive nature of the Bar and its reluctance to provide information, progress stalls. The trainee barrister, and her pupil-mistress, are ‘insiders’ so are more able to obtain answers.
I should have explained a little more yesterday but I didn’t want to go overboard. However, the way you looked at the pitch has now given me a way of approaching a better pitch.
Many thanks indeed.
Catherine
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